i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
