Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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