So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The uberlube is also flammable
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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