dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
