The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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