I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
