??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
