So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
