OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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