Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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