the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
