i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
