Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize