You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
