Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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