I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
