u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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