I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
