so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
