I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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