there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she peed on how many people?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
