when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
