I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
