Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
