There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
