ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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