If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
