doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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