i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
