I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
