I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
