there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
