The maid of honor just puked.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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