At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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