Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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