I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
