Sacagawea was the original milf.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
