When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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