I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
