Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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