what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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