I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
