11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
