a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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