She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
