I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want nice things and good sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
