I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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