fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
