mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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