I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
