I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
