I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
