She is in my trunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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