Old men and throwing up are my life now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
