Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
