I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
