Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
