my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After tacos, we're chasing women.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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