I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
