you're like a bully in the Christmas story
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
