i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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