and you said cock pushups were impossible
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
