Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
