I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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