A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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