So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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