Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
