we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
