A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
