i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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