You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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